I just don't know
RSS Feed I just don’t know, how can I? How can any of us know? I’ve been racing around in seeming groundhog day circles for what seems like forever now. Was it yesterday or last week I baked those scones, did I really put the seeds into the compost or not? and where did the soap go. Oh yeah I remember now it got used up with all the incessant scrubbing, that’s how it got so thin and translucent. Today I stood by the bath gazing at the soap, holding it up against the sunlight to see the veins of cleanliness that it was hourly dispensing upon my now paper sore hands.
I turn away distracted by another thought, those erstwhile little internal friends inside my head, that send me on scurry and hurry into endless days of purpose. Can’t stop, must just carry on, make a gate, film a yoga classes, read poems, run, dance, sing, walk, dance again, eat, sleep – a lot and then do it all again. Attend the cat like he is my soul, he doesn’t mind, I think most cats enjoy us acknowledging their royalty, but even he is getting a little twitchy with my continual good humour toward him. I feel he is itching for a customary swipe anytime soon, and to be honest it would likely pull me out of my reverie.
I agree that it’s important to be busy and focused, and it’s also bloody weird to be here doing this. Isn’t it? I have one friend, indeed she encouraged me to write this, who is out at sea metaphorically, reading her words has somehow helped me to anchor mine. Perhaps that is what we can all be for one another? I’m of the opinion that this is a good route forward, though I’m also hugely aware of crashing conspiracy theories, and other intense connections on the social media that knock my anchor off the proverbial sea bed.
Is humanity really waking up? Are we all changing? Or will business as usual commence after the fray? I and it seems many others feel that this is a huge turning point for us all, and though we all want it on the grand scale, my sense is that it’s happening in the small yet ever increasing moments of kindness we as a collective are seeing. Whichever country in lockdown has told tales of similar acts of love, new connections, and respect for those we live closest to, and an ever increasing understanding of just who in this society is really important. Can we live through this and really not change our outlook? I don’t know. I hope we do.
I’m lucky enough to have near me, a field full of ash, willow, hawthorn and field maple, not to mention the many emerging hedgerow herbs. Lying on the grass, gazing at the clouds and listening to the birdsong, or climbing into a tree and wrapping my arms around the trunk like I’m greeting a long lost lover, has become my daily medicine.
Is anyone else noticing how sweet the air tastes? There is richness that is unpolluted and bolder than I’ve ever noticed. Yes, I agree, nature is healing. I chuckled to myself the other day pondering what it would be like if we had a national stay at home holiday each year in early spring, no cars, only basic services available. A human stop. So nature could start. But, in all honesty only something as nebulous and frightening as this story we are living through would push us to do that.
I’m enjoying my musings, feels like all my internal personalities have come home to settle as I type words onto the screen. I do love writing. Whether its poems, songs, stories, classes, case notes. I have about 5 different notebooks on the go at the same time. Sometimes they get muddled and I write things in random places. Its rather like trying to find that one particular item in the bits and bobs drawer in the kitchen, you know the one I mean. Yes, that one. Once opened it pulls you into a memory road of stuff, often for hours. Well, that’s what happens when I accidentally write thoughts and musings in the wrong notebook, I’m gone for hours! So in a way the clarity of a keyboard and word document is preferable.
Ok, so my next task is to find a suitable way to get this out to you on the social mediums. Hmmm, another learning curve. Well, I will leave you to ponder on the word of Buckminster Fuller “If humanity does not opt for integrity we are through completely. It is absolutely touch and go. Each one of us could make the difference.” I’m in full agreement. Let’s just do the best we can for now. As he goes onto mention ‘I am a passenger on the spaceship earth’’ but that is a topic for another day!
I turn away distracted by another thought, those erstwhile little internal friends inside my head, that send me on scurry and hurry into endless days of purpose. Can’t stop, must just carry on, make a gate, film a yoga classes, read poems, run, dance, sing, walk, dance again, eat, sleep – a lot and then do it all again. Attend the cat like he is my soul, he doesn’t mind, I think most cats enjoy us acknowledging their royalty, but even he is getting a little twitchy with my continual good humour toward him. I feel he is itching for a customary swipe anytime soon, and to be honest it would likely pull me out of my reverie.
I agree that it’s important to be busy and focused, and it’s also bloody weird to be here doing this. Isn’t it? I have one friend, indeed she encouraged me to write this, who is out at sea metaphorically, reading her words has somehow helped me to anchor mine. Perhaps that is what we can all be for one another? I’m of the opinion that this is a good route forward, though I’m also hugely aware of crashing conspiracy theories, and other intense connections on the social media that knock my anchor off the proverbial sea bed.
Is humanity really waking up? Are we all changing? Or will business as usual commence after the fray? I and it seems many others feel that this is a huge turning point for us all, and though we all want it on the grand scale, my sense is that it’s happening in the small yet ever increasing moments of kindness we as a collective are seeing. Whichever country in lockdown has told tales of similar acts of love, new connections, and respect for those we live closest to, and an ever increasing understanding of just who in this society is really important. Can we live through this and really not change our outlook? I don’t know. I hope we do.
I’m lucky enough to have near me, a field full of ash, willow, hawthorn and field maple, not to mention the many emerging hedgerow herbs. Lying on the grass, gazing at the clouds and listening to the birdsong, or climbing into a tree and wrapping my arms around the trunk like I’m greeting a long lost lover, has become my daily medicine.
Is anyone else noticing how sweet the air tastes? There is richness that is unpolluted and bolder than I’ve ever noticed. Yes, I agree, nature is healing. I chuckled to myself the other day pondering what it would be like if we had a national stay at home holiday each year in early spring, no cars, only basic services available. A human stop. So nature could start. But, in all honesty only something as nebulous and frightening as this story we are living through would push us to do that.
I’m enjoying my musings, feels like all my internal personalities have come home to settle as I type words onto the screen. I do love writing. Whether its poems, songs, stories, classes, case notes. I have about 5 different notebooks on the go at the same time. Sometimes they get muddled and I write things in random places. Its rather like trying to find that one particular item in the bits and bobs drawer in the kitchen, you know the one I mean. Yes, that one. Once opened it pulls you into a memory road of stuff, often for hours. Well, that’s what happens when I accidentally write thoughts and musings in the wrong notebook, I’m gone for hours! So in a way the clarity of a keyboard and word document is preferable.
Ok, so my next task is to find a suitable way to get this out to you on the social mediums. Hmmm, another learning curve. Well, I will leave you to ponder on the word of Buckminster Fuller “If humanity does not opt for integrity we are through completely. It is absolutely touch and go. Each one of us could make the difference.” I’m in full agreement. Let’s just do the best we can for now. As he goes onto mention ‘I am a passenger on the spaceship earth’’ but that is a topic for another day!
